Twenty Crossfit Truths For Women (some of which also apply to men)

  1. Those tight, stretchy shorts won’t make your butt look big.  Squatting triple digits will make your butt look big.  Big and AWESOME.
  2. Your significant other will not be able to keep his/her hands off you, and not always in an “I wanna be on you” way.  Sometimes it’s just a “Damn girl, you stacked” way.
  3. The right bra will make your abs look better.  It’s true.  Get them thangs hoisted.
  4. You’re going to sweat all your makeup off and it will be gross.  Trust me, just don’t bother with it.
  5. In fact, just don’t worry about what you look like when you step in, because you’ll look like hell in fifteen minutes anyway.  IN A SEXY WAY, I MEAN.
  6. And nobody cares one little nugget about how you look, anyway.  They just want you to get in there and work hard.
  7. Lifting big will not make you look like a man– it will give you the kind of muscles your body naturally wants to develop.  If looking like the drop-dead-sexiest best version of yourself sounds just terrible, then go ahead and curl those five-pound weights in your living room and call it a day.  Otherwise, get on that barbell and fucking lift it.
  8. Stressed about something?  Don’t worry, baby.  Crossfit will cuddle you, stroke your hair, tell you you’re pretty and make it all better.  No, seriously, you’ll go in feeling like shit, and leave feeling like a million bucks.  A million stinky, dripping, wobbly, hungry bucks.
  9. There is no shame in girl push-ups.
  10. Or box steps.
  11. Or ring rows.  You’ve got to start somewhere.
  12. There IS shame in whining/complaining/phoning it in.  Shut up and do it, and do it hard.  If you must tap out, that’s okay… just make sure you’re not quitting.  There’s a difference.
  13. Don’t be stupid.  If your form is suffering, simmer down a bit.  Bruised egos heal more easily than strained backs or torn ACLs.
  14. Bacon makes everything better. 
  15. Women you barely know will become some of your biggest supporters.  Go ahead and be proud of moving up to a 14″ box for your jumps–they’ve been there, they get it, and they’re happy for you.  I promise.
  16. Judging anyone else in that gym is verboten.  Don’t even think about it.
  17. Get zen about the burpees, because they’re gonna happen.
  18. It’s okay to be scared of box jumps.
  19. If you’re afraid the kettlebell is going to break free from your sweaty grasp, please chalk up.  And maybe don’t swing towards anyone.
  20. You won’t get bored.  If you get bored, you’re doin it rong.  If you’re doin it rite, you’ll be thrilled about what you’re doing right now, and excited to see how you’ve improved a month, six months, a year from now.

I love you, Crossfit.

 

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3 responses

  1. I hope it’s okay—I shared this with my female (and male) crossfitters…Our coach wants to post it on a wall somewhere! lol IT’S SO GREAT!

    1. That’s totally okay! Thanks so much, I’m glad you liked it!

  2. Yes! I definitely agree with these!!!!! I love #8 & #17! And #20!! All of them really.

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